Slogans

I’ve decided I need to include in my blog all of the politically incorrect, bad taste, genius marketing slogans I come up with, that I can’t use. Today for example, is all about selling burritos on Easter.

This should be fun

Jesus died for this BOGO coupon #nailedit

Since Jesus died for your burrito loving sins, you should make it worth his while

This year Mass will be held at the Church of Cafe Rio

In the name of all that is holy, eat a burrito

Cross our hearts and hope to die, this burrito is sinful

Burritos so sinful you’ll need to confess

And so it begins…

Trumpity, Trumpity, Trump, Trump, Trump

As with many other people in our country, I’m not a fan of our new President Elect. I think he’s toxic. I think he has the mentaility of a five year old. He lies and misdirects so you don’t see what’s really going on. I believe he incites ignorance and violence and that isn’t what we should be teaching our children. I think he’s an opportunist and that he’s only in this for one reason and one reason only, himself. I don’t believe for a minute that he cares one iota for anyone that voted for him. I don’t believe he’ll do much to make American great again, other than undoing everything set in place by the last four presidents. Whether you’re a Republican or a Democrat, there have been good things and bad things done by both sides. This time however, my guess is there will be very little good that is done for anyone other than the ultra rich. I worry about the inexperienced people who’s putting in his cabinet, what they’re going to do to our schools and health care. Obamacare was always going to have to be modified, it was never the end all, it was a jumping off post. It’s shocking to me that people didn’t realize that.

You know every day I lose more faith in how things are shaping up. I think we’re an embarrassment. I understand how unhappy a large portion of lower income Americans are, however it’s not immigrants that have taken the jobs away. It’s technology, robotics, automation. Opening up regulations for small businesses is great, but it’s not going to change for steel workers, or manufacturers. It’s not forward thinking. I’m not saying that it’s not hard for the blue collars, I’m just saying that I just don’t see all of those jobs coming back. Ever.

American voters tried to turn Apprentice Star, Donald Trump, into a President. Instead, President Trump has turned America into a reality show.

I feel like we’re turning into a mockery for the rest of the world, and our super power status, isn’t so super any longer. We’re living in a horrible reality show, where decisions are based upon what’s going to get the most attention, the most drama. Trump is a puppet in all of this, and the one holding the strings is Steve Bannon, which in my eyes is an extremely scary prospect. It’s all a mess and gets scarier every day. And the strategy is to wear everyone down in the first few months because it’s exhausting to fight. Wear everyone out so then when they’re good tired and something is written into law, people will just be numb to it and let it slide without notice. We’re only in this less than 2 weeks and it already feels like it’s been forever.

We do have a broken system, there is no doubt about that. Neither side is willing to compromise or work with the other. It’s easier to point fingers, draw lines in the sand and act like children, than it is to be adults and tackle problems. The American people are fractured. There is a great divide, but Trump is not the person to bring us all back together. I’m not sure who can do it, not any of the candidates on either side currently.

I used to think it didn’t matter who was President because Congress held all the cards, but in the era of Trump, if you disagree with him you’re out of a job. There isn’t any open dialogue, there aren’t any differing opinions. His way or the highway. That’s not a Presidency, that’s a dictatorship. Our government is being run by corporations and is no longer for the people, by the people. How do we get around that? I’m not sure we can ever go back, nor do I know where we go from here.

We’ve become a sound bite nation with no facts to back up anything. We are missing credible journalism because Trump has taken that out of play. If you write something negative about him or his policies you’re banned. End of story. It’s Hitler anew. Freedom of the press is there for a reason, so is freedom of speech. You don’t have the like what someone is spewing, but they have the right to say it. It’s checks and balances. And he’s taking those rights away. How do we survive? Everything is taken out of context and we’ve become so lazy in our media blitz, instant gratification world, that we take it at face value without doing any research to come to our own conclusions. Take the gun laws, and Amendment 2. The misnomer is that Democrats are anti guns, which isn’t true. They’re pro guns with more regulations on background checks, to try and protect society. But that’s not what the belief is. The sounds bites say Democrats are going to take away your guns. When in actuality, it’s better background checks they’re after to try and prevent the mentally ill from purchasing guns to protect us all. Two very different ideals, yet only one is believed. No research. No fact checking. No checks and balances. Why is that? Seems as though whoever shouts loudest gets heard, whether it’s right or not and it’s on both sides of the fence. No one is immune.

Our new President is a genius in this area. He governs with 114 characters with truth or not, it’s the sound bite that is believed, not the truth in the matter. How do we get around this? How do we come out on the other side? I keep trying to find the silver lining, I keep looking for the hope and want to believe in the American people, that somehow we’ll figure out how to survive this, and right all of the wrongs on both sides of the fence, but I’m having a harder and harder time every day holding on to that.

Sorry for having diarrhea of the mouth today. I’m just searching for something I think to make me feel better in all of this, to try and find the hope I so desperately need.

Maybe Canada is the answer.

True Colors

I’m still in disbelief that we elected a bully for President. For all the progress we’ve made as a supposedly civilized superpower, we have set the country back by 50 years in one fell swoop. We have elected a game show host as President. One that is a racist, a sexist – hello can you say 12 lawsuits for alleged sexual abuse — a homophobic, a xenophobic, the list goes on and on and on. And yet, here he is. He preys on the uneducated and the poor. He uses fear tactics and lies. How is this man going to run the country? Honestly. If he’s pushed, he throws a temper tantrum like a petulant child. And this is who America chose?

We’re seeing the true colors of our country. White male supremacy is alive and well, screw women, because white men are apparently the only ones that matter. We don’t want women’s rights. We don’t want civil rights. We don’t want anyone to have the American dream, unless of course you’re white. How quickly we forget that we are a country built from immigrants. Aside from Native Americans, every one of us is an immigrant. And might I ask if Trump is planning on deporting any of his ex-wives? For fuck sake America, what were you thinking??

White, poor American good ol’ boys do you not realize you’re the one’s that are going to get shit on the hardest? Along with the middle class? Only the elites, including Trump himself, are going to benefit from this President. And for all the flaws of Obamacare, are you just now going to pull health coverage from millions of Americans? The poor and homeless rates are going to increase. The middle class is going to shrink, retirement plans are going to go away, and Medicare/caid is only going to be available for your parents. They basically just decided that their lives were more important than their children and grand children.

We just dug ourselves out of a recession, that was brought on thanks to a Republican administration. And lets be honest, it was awful, but at this point I’d take another 4 years of a Bush Presidency, than I can stomach one of Trump. He has zero experience. Zero. He’s claimed bankruptcy 6 times, he hasn’t paid taxes, he has no real plan for America. Please someone explain to me how you think this guy is going to save you? How easily we can all be swayed by bright lights. We’re like a cat with a pen light trying to pounce on something you can’t catch. Distractions that keep you away from learning the truth. The more you say something the more it has to be true, right? Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

For all the faults that Hillary had, for all the stupid reasons why people didn’t like here, for the way she was vilified and scrutinized over and over and over again, in ways that no man would’ve ever been subjected to, she would’ve made a great president. She would’ve fought for the right of humanity. Something Trump is going to just tear apart.

The fabric of our lives is hanging on by a thread. One I hope with every ounce of my body we’re able to withstand.

Frustrated Soccer Mom

I am seeing red, and I’m not 100% sure why. Because parents went against what I thought was best? Because I think they’re making a mistake? Because I think I know everything? Or simply because I want to protect my kid? I tend to think that it’s the later, but I really don’t know why it’s gotten so far under my skin.

Backstory: AYSO decided that for the .00002% of soccer players that have a chance to play internationally, that it makes sense to change soccer divisions based upon birth year, as opposed to school year, because that’s what other countries do. Granted they don’t run the same type of school years we have, but obviously that’s not an important factor.

Stupidest.Decision.Ever.

The AYSO  can justify it all they want, but they’re really talking to themselves, and are really just hurting thousands of kids. The ultra slim minority this decision is actually beneficial for, is so minuscule that what’s really going to happen is they’re going to just have kids stop playing. Kids who have been playing on the same teams, with the same kids for years. It’s the most asinine decision I’ve ever seen when it comes to organized sports, and I’ve been around the block once or twice, so that’s saying a lot.

So how does this affect me? My daughter plays on a team composed mostly of 2003 birth years, and there are only five girls born in 2002. And now according to this new “awesome” rule, 2002 and 2003 will have different tryouts, and ultimately be on different teams. Now granted all of these kids are in the same grade levels, they will all finish middle school and high school together, but because of this stupid decision, the team is going to be split. At one point all of the parents decided they were going to move everyone up to play in a division higher, and keep the team together. The logical decision. This would serve a couple of purposes, 1) this group of kids would all move together up through the years, playing on the same team, honing their skills as one and ultimately having a really strong team, into high school. 2)playing tougher, stronger kids, makes you a better player. Duh. and 3) they’re all in the same freakin grade! Whatever.

So in the 11th hour, after everyone said it was a lot more logical and better for the girls to keep them all together on the same team, they jumped ship and are going to play down to 2003. Seriously? Some team loyalty.

And I am so pissed off. I’m mad because I feel like our stupid passive aggressive coach pushed for this because he was in the minority, and he can’t stand that. He’s an arrogant has-been windbag, but that’s a totally different blog post. I’m mad that next year instead of all of these girls moving into high school together, they’ll be splitting the teams up again. I’m mad because I feel like we’re getting the short end of the stick. And I’m mad, that I’m mad, because honestly it’s a stupid thing to be mad at. Every parent is only making the best decision they can for their kids. I get it. But it doesn’t mean it’s the right decision!

My daughter will be playing for a better coach, and will be gaining a lot more experience than her team that decided to play down. I should be ok with that, because she’ll be just fine. I get that. Me on the other hand? I’m not ready to make nice.

 

I realize I just need to get over it.

 

And I totally would, if I wasn’t so damn mad about it.

 

Really, a Tri? And a really, real one at that.

So this happened the other day….

 

Yeah, I’m not sure why either. Well I know why, it’s because I chickened out of signing up for the St. George marathon, and thought I needed something to make up for that, but that’s a story for a different post. On the flip side, I really like Tri’s. Now keep in mind I’ve only done two, and they were “non-competitive”, women only Sprint Tri’s, but still, I really dug it. I liked the challenge. I liked the three different aspects you have to do, and let’s be honest the body marking makes you feel like a badass. The first tri I did, I signed up two weeks prior and I totally struggled, though I did finish without crying or puking. #winning. It was a 700 meter swim, 12 mile bike and 3.1 run. The following year, I trained a bit more, bought a road bike and shaved 20 minutes off my time. Pretty sure 15 of that, was going from a Mountain Bike to a Road Bike, but still it felt great. There was a different sense of accomplishment when I crossed the finish line. Every race is hard, but for me, crossing a Tri finish line is even more satisfying.

So back to what I’ve done. There is a big problem with the one I just signed up for… it’s men and women, which means it’s super competitive, it’s open water, and it’s a lot longer. Crap, that means I’m actually going to have to train for this one. I don’t think my “half-assed, just do enough to get by” is going to cut it. And with all of these other athletes, I’m sure I’ll feel the need to compete to my own detriment. Granted I am learning the hard way that I’m not 20 anymore, and I can’t quite do things the same way, but that competitive fire still burns pretty deep at times. Anywho, this is what I’m faced with:

So let’s see. I can bike 26.2 miles, I bike to and from work and that’s close to 30 miles, so I’m probably ok here. Granted there are lights on my way to work, so I do get a breather here and there, but I’m pretty sure I can do this part. 10K run? Yep, I can do that too without any issues. 1500 meter swim….in open water….getting kicked in the face….yeah, I’m not so sure about that one. In fact I’m a bit nervous about it. I went swimming the other day and I thought I was doing fairly well, felt pretty good, fairly strong, looked down at my Garmin and I had only gone 500 meters. WTF? Seriously? There must be something wrong with my watch. I have to swim 3x as far??? Crap. This is going to suck.

The other problem? Putting these all together in one full swoop. Well as Mini Me would say YOLO! Good thing I have a few weeks to try and get this done.

This can’t possilby be a blog post

Resolution #324? Write more blogs.

Totally failed that one. It’s nearly the middle of the year, and I’m actually just writing one. Whatever. Life happens and this isn’t a full time job. Or even part time. Or even less than part time. It’s like maybe 1/32nd. You know, I bet if I got paid to do this, I’d be a bit more dedicated to it. Just saying. Sponsors? Sponsors? Buehler? Buehler?

Alright, so, in my last post which was seriously like a year ago, I talked about how I was done doing Ragnar Races. This has both been great and difficult. Great, because I don’t really miss the stress involved with all the preparing, coordinating, finding runners, etc., not to mention you know, actually running. The flip side of that coin is since then, I haven’t really gotten my butt out to run. I have no motivation. No goals, and I’m surely not just going to do it because it’s good for me. Please. What do you take me for? I’m as lazy as lazy can be. I do just enough to get by, and not become grossly overweight eating and drinking.

So my lovely wife, finally pushed me off the couch and signed me up for a race. And it is a super fun race, so I didn’t kick and scream too much. Run Vigor is a race down Big Cottonwood Canyon that sports 7% downgrades.

 

That’s just a little drop

 

Can you say PR? This is a PR lovers dream. It is so steep and so fast, that you actually have to slow yourself down, for fear of breaking the sound barrier. I kid you not. Besides, it’s a beautiful canyon with the suncresting behind you.

 

As is usual with all freakin’ races, we were up at 4:15am, and out the door by 5:00am. Why does this have to be the norm for races? Honestly. It would be really awesome if they could just start races an hour later, don’t you think? We made our way to the finish line, where we were to load a bus to take us up, up, up Big Cottonwood Canyon, but first…

Nothing like waiting to use a “restroom” at the buttcrack of dawn with a few hundred of my closest friends.

 

No run is complete without a potty break… interestingly enough, this will come into play later.

 

The bus drove us up the canyon and dumped us at the start line, well sort of. The buses dropped everyone off below a giant S Curve, and the start line was at the top of the curve. Which all in all, is actually ok. It’s a nice walk to warm up my old bones. Though it was windy, which just makes it cold and miserable.

I obviously didn’t take this picture, since you know, it’s in the fall and all. Thanks interwebs!

 

We waited until the last possible second to get on the last bus, so we didn’t have to wait in the cold any longer than necessary. (Not our first rodeo, I know). In fact by the time we walked up to the start line, we really only had about 3 minutes before the gun went off. Time enough for one of these….

Man that looks cold

 

This is a smaller race, and it’s actually kind of fun to be standing so close to the start line, that you not only hear the gun clearly, but can see the smoke wafting away from the cap.

So off we went. MM and I decided that it’s just too stressful to run together, because I run faster and we should each run our own race and just enjoy the experience. So off I went with a jovial wave, See you at the bottom babe!

Have I mentioned how fast this course is? It’s fast. Gravity pulls you down, and even when you try and pace yourself it’s tough. I went into this race promising to run at least the first mile relatively close to a normal pace, I was off by about a minute, but still it was a fairly conservative, slower pace. From there though, all bets were off and I was flying. Well, flying for me. The one annoying hiccup, I had to pee like a racehorse.  Seriously? I just waited in a line for 20 minutes and this is what I get repaid with?? I was furious. When we jumped off the bus at the top, I thought I’d make one last minute pit stop, just to be safe, but the line was ridiculous. So I thought, “eh I’ll be just fine, it’ll be a quick race. I can handle it.” Wrong. The first water station was at mile 1.5ish and they had a portapotty, “Sweet!” I thought. “I’ll jump in, and be back on the road in 45 seconds. No one is in line, this will be awesome. I am such a winner!” Then out of no where three people in front of me apparently had the same idea. Seriously? WTF? Come on people, you’re killing me. “Screw this, I’m not stopping.” So I kept running, and then the river came into play, I could see it, hear it, and my bladder most definitely could feel it. So every tree I passed, every turnout that had an opening, I would think, “I should just jump in there and drop trail.” But then I was thinking “Wait. Isn’t this a watershed? Is that a problem? Plus there are a ton of people behind me, there’s no hiding. What if I get into trouble? Argh. Stupid concious” I just kept running. Finally at 3 miles or so,  I couldn’t take it anymore and just waited at the portapotty. 30 seconds in line, 45 seconds inside, and boom! off I went. I felt sooo much better, so of course I ran even faster, besides I had time to make up.

Before my little potty stop, I was running with a girl who was having pants issues, they weren’t staying up. That so sucks. And even after she warmed up, they still were falling down. So annoying. So we chitchatted about my CWX compression pants and how awesome they were.

Of course this is me. I’m a model now.

I’m such a huge fan. Anyway, I could see her a good distance ahead of me after my pitstop, and I had a goal in mind to see if I could catch her. Not that I needed any help on this course. I was flying…granted this is a totally relative term, and my fast, is turtle pace for someone else….anywho everything felt good No knee pain. No quad pain (yet) no hip pain (yet)…It took me the remaining 3 miles to catch her, because not only was I running fast, everyone was running fast. I finally caught her with probably 1/4 mile left, and for me it was awesome. Maybe I’m not such an old lady after all.

I finished the race, got a post race massage and waited for MM to come cruising in. And boy did she ever! She PR’d by 20 minutes! 20 minutes people, that is phenomenal! The old girls ruled the course!

 

It was a really fun race, and I’m so glad my wife kicked me in the butt and got me out the door. Plus after a race, I can do this….

Watching Mini Me play soccer

and this…..

STELLA!!!!

 

Granted my legs are so sore I can’t hardly walk, but still it was awesome……Now, I just have to find another race to sign up for….

Stairway to Heaven, my ass

The time has come to hang up my running shoes. Well not really, but I’ve closed a chapter in my life with running Ragnar Races and it’s bittersweet to say the least. Over the past few years, I’ve run 8 of these damn races. (For those that don’t know what Ragnar is, it’s an overnight 12 person relay race running 200 miles). I have quit a couple of times, only to be lured back in. It’s totally like Hotel California, I can check out but I can never leave….until now.

We had 9 of the same team members we had in Socal, and honestly all 9 of us we’re only running Napa to get the second medal in the Gold Coast challenge. (Run SoCal and Napa in the same year, get an extra medal. It’s that easy). Ok that may not actually be true, but I can guarantee that the 6 people in our van, that’s all we were doing. I can’t vouch for the crazies in the other van, they’re a bit more hardcore than we are.

So anyway, my wife and I flew out Thursday afternoon to San Francisco, met up with the rest of our team and we were on our way to SF and to do the pre-check to save us a few minutes Friday morning. Trust me, when Thursday is the last night of sleep you’re going to get, it totally pays to do the pre-check the night before and eek out a few more winks. The pre-check was fine, easy peasy. Though honestly it would be super awesome if Ragnar had a checkbox or something that said I’ve been through the safety video X amount of times before, I take full responsibility for my actions, and let you off the hook of watching it yet again. Good Lord it gets old. Anywho, off to find our hotel, decorate the van, and eat some dinner.

Our van getting a “violation” for being awesome!

Morning comes too early as it does when you’re running a race, and while I adore my wife, she’s not a morning person. You know those Snickers commercials when someone is an animal because they’re hangry? She falls into that category, but hers is just plain ol angry at being up before the sun. “There is nothing natural about getting out of bed before 7am” I have to say save for a few snaps, she was a trooper. Ran her leg in the dark, up a massive hill and handed off with a smile on her face.

MM ready to go.

Amber was next, off and running with her usual spring in her step, smile on her face. Yeah, we all hate her and just want to slap her. Not really. She’s great. Super funny, and she lightens the van every time she’s in it. Don’t tell her I said that though, we don’t want her getting a big head. She jetted across the beach, a trail and the Golden Gate Bridge as the sun was rising. It was very picturesque, especially considering that she’s never been to SF before, so this was a good way for her to see it.

Well if you have to run early, this makes it a bit better

 

Next up Amy and her downhill slide into Sausalito along the coast. I gotta say the first couple of legs are awfully pretty. Not to say that the rest of the run isn’t pretty, but I’m a huge fan of anything along the coast. So Amy comes in and Colleen heads out. She and I switched legs this go round because Ragnar had some issues and had to swap the 4^th and 5^th runner legs. We checked on Colleen once, and then went to the exchange area so I could do my thing before heading out. And by doing my thing I mean, “dropping the kids off at the pool” Hey when you have a 9 mile run ahead of you, you need to make sure the kids are off swimming, because they’re not getting out of the bus on the way.

As I’ve mentioned a few times before, I’ve run a number Ragnars, and this leg was by far the hardest leg I’ve ever run, and I’ve run some pretty hard legs. Not only was it long, but it had the most ridiculous hills I’ve ever seen. And I live and train in Utah! Seriously straight the fuck up. So I’m running along and my team is waiting for me at the bottom of the “hill”. I say “Is this it?” and they say “yep, you’ve got this…” So I get a drink, change my playlist to a more angry set of songs, and I plug up the hill. Boom! Done. No sweat. All downhill from here, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong. Ever, in the history of my life. I turn a corner and there is the skyscraper of a hill, WTF? Huh. So that’s the hill. Ok, fine, I got this shit.

This picture so doesn’t do this hill justice. It’s unfair really. It doesn’t back up my whining at all!

This hill you couldn’t run up. It was so steep that you almost had to put your hands on your knees to help propel you forward. I kid you not. And damned if the thing didn’t get longer and steeper the higher you went. I wish I knew what the grade was because I would bet it had to be 40%. It was steep. Seriously steep. Like if you’re a skier and you’re skiing down a steep, narrow chute. It’s like that, only you’re going up it. So the hill “ends” and they send you up some stairs, because obviously the hill wasn’t enough. Ragnar has a seriously sick sense of humor, and I’m sure I should be friends with those assholes because it just seems fitting. If this is what the “Stairway to Heaven is like” screw that and give me the freight train to hell.

The view from the top.

So up the stairs I go, to a dirt trail that goes where? You guessed it. UP, UP and UP. Fuck me. It was at this point I realized, (if I hadn’t already decided this), that I was done doing these stupid races. Honestly. Done. Done. Done. Katie, do you hear me? I’m done.

Seriously?!

So anyway, what goes up must haul ass down, and down, and down, which I gotta say is pretty fun, and fast. And finally after 9 grueling miles I got to the exchange and I was done. On a side note, I didn’t pass out or throw up, and I beat my per mile time by 30 seconds per mile #winning.

I’m still horizontal. #winning

 

Up next, more Napa

I Want to be Lorelai Gilmore When I Grow Up

We just made our way through binge watching The Gilmore Girls and I gotta say I want to be Lorelai Gilmore when I grow up. She is so damn cool. She’s funny. Quirky. Snarky. Incredibly clever, which I would give my right hand for, easy on the eyes, and don’t even get me started on her clothes. Good Lord the fashion alone is enough to pine over. Someone should have a Lorelai Gilmore Pinterest board so you know where to buy her kickass clothes. In fact, hang on a second. I need to see if there is a board….Yep. Of course, there are a hundred boards all relating to her and her clothes. I am so going shopping! 

So back to my story. I watched Gilmore Girls with Mini me and it was so us. The two of us. That’s our life unfolding in front of us on the ol tellie. Well sort of. We’re not as clever, we’re funny, but in that adolescent boy, fart joke kind of funny. My wife doesn’t think we’re all that funny, but we think we’re pretty damn funny. I’m not really a single mom, though I am, I do have similar mom issues to Lorelai, we don’t live in a small town, I didn’t have mini me when I was a teenager, I don’t own a bed and breakfast, mini me isn’t in high school yet, and we don’t eat out every meal, but other than, it’s totally our lives!

My daughter and I have an awesome relationship. We totally get each other, and  watching Gilmore Girls, really was just like watching our lives unfold. And I cherished every minute of it. I get that’s kind of weird, saying that I cherish a TV show, but still, if I’m half the mom that Lorelai is, and I have half the relationship with Mini me that she has with Rory, I’m golden. I want to be her best friend.

I want her to call me 12 times a day just to tell me some dumb thing. I want to have Friday night dinners. I want to nail parenting. I want to put all judgement aside and just listen and love that kid of mine. I want to be the cool parent, so Mini Me has no reason to be embarrassed by me.

I want to make fun of her, and have her dish it right back…

 

Yes, yes, I do fully understand this is a TV show, and there is an entire team writing the incredibly snappy, clever dialogue, creating the drama, the make ups, etc., but still. A girl can dream.

I’m not really sure why I didn’t watch it when it was actually on, but maybe I wasn’t supposed to. Maybe I was supposed to watch it with Mini Me and grow our mother/daughter bond that much more. Who knows. All I know is that I loved Gilmore Girls on every level. And when I grow up, I want to be Lorelai.

How I love food

I love to eat. Rather I love to eat good food. I wouldn’t say I’m a food snob necessarily, I will occasionally eat Taco Bell and processed foods, however I do enjoy really good food. I’m a foodie at heart and I have been for as long as I can remember. My brother and I at the tender ages of 6 and 8 were eating our way through escargot and buckets of clams, much to the chagrin of my folks, considering they didn’t have the money to afford such luxuries for a couple of punk kids. We grew up poor, franks & beans, bologna sandwiches, cooked carrots and pot roast we would eat all week long. But on those specials occasions when we got to go out to dinner, my brother and I made the most of it. Not purposely choosing the most expensive items on the menu, just those items that sounded the most interesting to us. I have to say though, that this was essentially my parents fault. They created this rule in our house “you had to try everything once and most things twice”, and suffice it to say it may have backfired on them, and they’ve been paying for it every since. Leap ahead a few years to us having our own families and rules, and damned if I didn’t institute the same thing with our daughter. Not that it was hard, my wife is a foodie too and we both like to cook, so honestly our kid didn’t have much hope. From an early age she had to try things, and honestly it bit us in the ass at the age of 5 when she discovered Sushi, and has never looked back, but that’s a blog for another day. So where am I going with all this? It’s to Blue Apron. I’m in love.

 

So from the outside, you wouldn’t think much of it. Don’t judge.

 

Because They are a foodies delight. You sign up for their service, and they send you 2-4 meals wholesome, healthy and utterly delicious meals a week. Seriously. It’s the craziest thing. We have had a few friends try this and rave about it, so we figured why not. Best. Decision. Ever! They prepare the menu, send you the recipe and everything needed to create a masterpiece. Everything is fresh, and in it’s whole form. So far there hasn’t been anything processed or fake. All whole foods. All of the packaging is recyclable too. #winning

 

Each meal takes somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 minutes prep and 35ish minutes to cook. So easy enough to give the kid a snack before dinner and get it done on a school night. So far we have made Chicken Torta sandwiches.

 

The most incredible salmon pasta dish with chard broccoli and this lemon basil garlic butter deliciousness. Wowza, so good that we all basically licked our plates. AHMAZING

 

This one was interesting. So while mini me is a foodie at the ripe ol’ age of 13, there are certain things I’m certain she won’t like. Take the sweet potato & Fontina cheese pizza with arugula for instance. I was totally prepared to throw in the Easy Mac and damned if that kid didn’t devour the pizza. Take it for lunch the next day, and eat the remaining two slices after her soccer game. We barely go to eat any of it ourselves.

 

So there you go. Blue Apron is the s***. Do yourself a favor and sign up for it. You won’t regret it. I’d tell you to tell them I sent you, but since they’d look at you like you were crazy, there’s no need.

Controlling the Demons

I’m drowning.

I have asshole voices inside my head at times and they suck. They try to tell me I’m not happy, or that my wife isn’t happy. That I’m failing at life, at my job, at whatever they can get their grubby little hands on. They’re bastards like that. Today, is one of those days. Actually it’s been a few days now that they’ve been running rampant. Running on the loose with no one to reign them in. I hate them. They make the most irrational thoughts, seem rational.

“Of course you can just jump in the car and leave everything behind. There is nothing wrong with that. “Yes, you are right, you are being cheated on.
“No, you’re exactly right. You do in fact suck at your job.
“Yep you would be better off just lying in bed all day with the covers over your head. Who needs responsibility? Or a paycheck?
“You are failing as a parent. On every level.
“Your parents have never been proud of you, and you weren’t really a very good athlete anyway.
“ I don’t know why you think you can do these things, because you can’t.….on and on and on they drone. They’re so loud I can’t turn them down….shut up, shut up, shut up…..

When this happens, I need help to find my way out. Sure I run and that helps to a point, but when I get home they rear their ugly heads again. So I need something else that puts them in their place and speaks to me on a level no one else can. And that no one understands.

Eat. Pray. Love.

For whatever reason, this makes sense to me. It’s my life raft when I’m adrift. It helps me regain my balance and find my way back home.

The first time I read it, I had just gone through a divorce and as with most divorces it wasn’t easy, it wasn’t nice, it was hell on earth. So it spoke on that level. It spoke on the level of finding out who you are. It spoke on a spiritual level. The whole balance thing. Good hell I need balance. It is everything rolled into one. I felt like I was reading my life on the pages. The demons. The guilt. All of it was me, right there, page after page after page.

But now, the book and the movie are so much more. They reassure me. They let me know I’m not the only one. They give me hope, and strength, they makes me whole. When I’m feeling down, or I’m in a funk. When the voices in my head are shouting louder than anything else. Lying to me, trying to convince me I’m not happy, or worthy…I throw on the DVD and suddenly, everything quiets down. The voices dissipate . They reach me on a level no one else can understand. I wish I could put it into words, but I can’t. EPL is my north, my south, my east, my west. It’s my balance when things get out of whack. It pulls me through.

So tonight, it’s time to stop trying to fight everything myself and find some help and solace in this compass, and find may way back. So thank you Liz Gilbert for putting your feelings into words on a page, that I can pull from.